Last few months have been testing for everyone, the year has crossed the halfway mark really fast, and I realized it’s been a while I wrote something. With no commute to work and the lack of social engagements, I suddenly realized the amount of time available. One of these days, I was reading about the solar system with my son, which got me thinking. Wait, I’m not going to be boring you with the kinds of stuff that we have all learned years back. It’s a different matter that we may have studied about nine planets and later learned that there are actually eight. That’s for another day, but reading about the solar system, I thought how boring it would be for the planets to keep orbiting the sun every day for billions of days. But that’s the beauty, isn’t it? The planets, they just keep at it, building second by second, day by day, and end up with a perfectly beautiful system.
I was always amazed by the diligence with which some people wish their spouse a beautiful wedding anniversary; yes, you guessed it right- on Facebook. There have been instances when my wife and I forgot our anniversary, later to be reminded by our son or a common friend. Add to that the jamboree around valentine’s day, mothers’ day, fathers’ day, doctors’ day and wait, rose day! When it takes a great effort to remember the day of the week, these special days really make people self-question existential reasons! Thank goodness, centuries back pope Gregory introduced only 365 days for a year; imagine inventing different reasons for additional special days.
The constant pressure – remember to buy those roses on a birthday or the elusive diamond ring for an anniversary. Hearing about the fancy restaurants where tables are to be booked weeks before have always given me shivers. Oh, the effort to plan those long vacations, every step of the itinerary has to be perfect! These admittedly sound romantic, but for the lazy non-romantics, these are a different league altogether and can be exasperating.
When holed up at home within a limited space, you tend to realize the other things that matter the most. The pretty rose doesn’t matter, nor the expensive dinner at a fancy restaurant.
I feel the key ingredient to a super relationship is the boring pieces of stuff. Yes, like how the planets keep at it every minute and end up admirable! When you have time at hand, you realize the importance of connecting with the important people in your life. During these times, you also realize missing the connections with important people who are no longer are there for you – either in reality or by proximity. You learn to cherish every boring chore that can be done with your loved one or the long meaningless conversations that you could have with a close friend. It’s such a microcosm that you build with each of your loved ones, and those who consider you important, creates the larger macrocosm, much like the solar system.
It’s not the fancy kinds of stuff that make a healthy relationship but by embracing the beautiful differences that arise every day. It could be silly arguments with your spouse about who will do the dishes or the meaningless discussions about trivial matters with your old friend. Some of the crucial differences could be career choices and weighing important life decisions like a promotion over childcare, where invariably, life tends to take a different turn. It’s not only these complex decisions that we face in a relationship define the strength of it, but also some of the simpler differences like who makes the bed or who will clear the wet towel from the chair! Can’t even get started with the disputes about toothpaste. Gosh, I, for one, hate a full toothpaste tube being pressed from the middle!
Imagine the times that you argued with your friend endlessly about Dravid vs. Tendulkar or SRK vs. Salman. Now don’t judge me basis these examples. I’m sure you got the point here, these silly moments create the whole beauty. Despite the bitter arguments that usually end up with one of you throwing in a non sequitur tangentially, these are the relationships that you crave for! These differences cement relationships stronger than ever. You allow it to set for a more extended period, it gets better!
IT’S A SYSTEM
When it comes to the different people around us with varied bonds, we may have come across conflicting situations due to varying opinions or priorities. We tend to believe relationships are like a Venn diagram – consider each relationship as something that interferes with the other. This results in conflicts and situations where you want to minimize the intersection of the circles, thereby inadvertently going farther from one vs. the other. And you notice those nearer to you over time, slowly drifting away. In reality, it’s absolutely possible to coexist with these conflicting situations and maintain the closeness.
I feel relationships need to be looked in a broader 3-dimensional space, much like the solar system. Each individual has a set of close ones moving around in independent orbits. They do come in tandem at times, causing an unintended eclipse, but clear the path eventually. Because the orbits never cross. It’s essential to patiently deal with such conflict situations and focus on each little moment and create enjoyment. Invest time in each individual person around you and spend time together to create memories. It could be your close friend from school or a mentor from work or your spouse; each has a coexisting space and require a sincere investment to make the relationship much more durable. Relationships are just a system, each part has a role to play and allow to run its natural course. Without the constant effort, the orbit collapses, you drift away and the relationship goes into a black hole!
Don’t fret over the silly daily chores, enjoy while you can, and cherish each moment. Sure, go ahead, show it off on social media and Keep going!
I’m wielding the keyboard after a short hiatus, hope this still got the mojo. Do share your thoughts in the comments below!
Image by Guillaume Preat from Pixabay.